It Hurts

It hurts knowing the way you look at me,
Pure in anger and hatred.
I'm a monster,
But I still have feelings.
Weeping solenmy or not,
It still hurts knowing,
My views have changed,
You're the same.
Unforgiving, to the end.
I'm truely sorry you saw what you did,
I've never thought such horrid thoughts,
While you only wanted to show yours.
I never wanted you to see me that way.
But it's too late now,
You've seen.
And now I sit here,
Hurt, and myself completely rejected by your mind.
It happens every time,
I manage to disappear.
But for you, I wanted more.
I wanted to hear myself say sorry, and you to nod,
Angry with me, but willing to forgive.
I'm greedy, but that was my desire.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
Every reaction takes affect.
But you'll see me as revolting from now on.
I'll live on as an undesirable memory.
I opened my locked book to you,
But I see now I was wrong.
And I'm sorry that I've trusted you
All the hurt is a cause of me.
I'm sorry.

The Reality

I want you to hurt me,
The words I've throw around lightly,
A pebble in my hands.
Truely a bolder now,
Show me, crush me, tell me,
I'm a horrid creature.
I implore you, please,
Please, give me the pain I gave you,
Give me all, and ten-fold.
It will never be enough,
Chastise me.
Slap me with the reality I still so deeply crave.
But you instead, stay silent,
Still pining for the affection I can't seem to give you.
You're much too forgiving.
I truely carry remorse for the scars I've left.
I'm not what you should be served.